How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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