i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
