there's paper in my vomit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
