none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
