youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
