I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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