I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
