i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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