dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
