btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
