i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
