Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
