did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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