sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
