So drunk its hurt
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
