Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
