The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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