Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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