I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
