Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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