State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
