I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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