so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
