I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
