im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
