About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
