Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
