remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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