Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
