I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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