Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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