I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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