i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This house was built for laser tag.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
