there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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