So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
