she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
