Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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