We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
