No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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