He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
