they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
