Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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