Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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