Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
