We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
