and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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