You just made me feel so damn special
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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