i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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