I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
