Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
