She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
