And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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