i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
